Why I almost quit nursing 5 years in...
Disclaimer: this is not a post geared towards any specific person or unit I’ve been in it is just what I experienced in 3 different ICUs.
I worked in 3 different intensive care units in my first 4 years and they all had the same common theme.
Each time I transferred, it was great for the first few months and all the promise of a “great opportunity” was intact, until it wasn’t. The workplace would increasingly become a very toxic place to be until I was looking for my next transfer, because a workplace should not make you physically ill with the thought of going in for your shift.
Looking back now, I blame it on a high stress environment in combination with people who are burnt out and have a better than everyone else attitude.
But where does that attitude come from?
I think we as nurses put the ICU on a pedestal because of the medicines we titrations, things we have to deal with, devices we have to manage all while trying to provide compassionate care.
What happens when everyone is so stressed out?
People snap.
I vividly remember being told I was stupid because I asked a question.
I was told to suck it up because i cried after my first dose and asked for a debrief.
I was given hard assignments with no help and doubled with 1:1 patients.
I was told to stop freaking out when my patient was close to coding after calling the doctor a million times.
I wasn’t given certain assignments because I wasn’t ‘smart enough’
I was yelled at in front of other coworkers because I did the assignments wrong.
Writing all of this makes me cry.
“All I wanted to do was help people and I feel like because of my experiences I’ve been jaded.”
If you are dealing with bullying or lateral violence please tell someone early.
I was too scared to ever say something because I wanted to fit in.
And if you are hating nursing right now think outside the box, there are so many options. Don’t feel like you have to do what you set out to do in nursing school!
If you need an ear, my DMs are open